I’m sat here at twenty to one in the morning.
It’s now the 4th of December.
And all I can seem to do is sit in my room with my laptop and write this whole thing out on word as I have yet to acquire wireless.
Basically, while I was watching Dawson’s creek just now, all I could seem to think about is the dramatic turn my life has made and will carry on making for the next few months.
Ever since September I have known that what I am doing at the moment isn’t for me at all.
The same course as I did last year and I know that if I carry on doing it then it’s just going to end up as disastrous as it did last year.
My journalism dream is floating further away and I know that it is partly my fault.
Mainly because I am a rather impatient and lazy person so to be fair I don’t think that journalism would have been the right thing for me to do in the first place.
Iv been told that it is actually one of the hardest professions to get in to and because of that I have really gone off the idea, I mean, at one point, working for Kerrang would have been the most amazing thing that would ever happen to me.
But getting the qualifications would have meant going to uni, getting work experience and taking up at least another four years of my life that I would rather not spend in education to be leaving there at 24 when I’m already 2 years behind a lot of people in the education world.
The only reason that I have stayed on at college for s long as I have is because of the friends I have there: Rofro, Jay, Natt, Mattatat Walker, Em, Rizzo Bec Beth Pie and the other Beth are the ones that really need a mention. I mean I’ve only been going for the social side of things and not at all for the lessons.
As weird as this may sound, but watching Dawsons creek can really make you think about your own life.
After a year of childcare and a year of as levels followed by a term of a levels the only thing that I have realised is that I would rather get out and travel this amazing world of ours.
The amount of times a person can change their mind about what they want to do with their life is amazing!
Take Dawson for example; goes from film making, to photography and then back to film making.
Joey tries her luck with writing, and painting, and ends up being a teacher.
I see myself as Pacey, not knowing at all in high school what he wants, then goes for being a deck hand on a boat, a chef, marketing, and then still ends up with Joey at the end of everything. I am the female English version of Pacey, going from wanting to be an au pare, to a journalist and now about to pursue my next dream in life.
And that is to be an air stewardess.
Just being able to fly to the whole world and occasionally see it and just spend my time serving other people and making their flight an enjoyable one would be absolutely awesome.
Although, there are some things I would have to change bout my self but that’s not entirely awful.
Which brings me to the next part of my blog, and that is myself, no i’m not being selfish but i’m fed up of this… person that people see me as.
At the moment, many people see me as one of the guys, and i’m not even kidding.
I can see where it come from though, I mean, i’m foul mouthed, i’m not afraid to share my bodily functions, I don’t exactly dress like the female that I am and its kind of starting to get to me that even with new friends I seem to have this, I don’t know but something about me that seem to make people think that i’m not female…
I don’t want to be considered one of the guys anymore, i’m not.
It’s really silly but I’ve just got off the phone with Ruth telling her that it’s not right to change the person you are for shit.
But I know my situation is different, I want to change for me and for what people see me as.
I love the fact that i’m able to get on with both genders but I don’t want to be seen by girls and the one who acts like the guys to get with the guys or anything like that.
I want girls to see me as a girl, to talk to me, whether I don’t look approachable to them or if they just do generally see me as a bloke i’ll never know.
My style is really what you could call sensible for a girl but its not exactly completely repulsive but some of the things that the fashion industry are pumping out for girls to wear. I can honestly say I will never be caught dead in.
However, things are going to have to change around Elli
I’m fed up of being one of the guys, the one that people cant seems to understand does have a feminine side.
I want to be Elli. The stewardess. So that when I do tell people what I want to be later in life they wont just turn around and laugh in my face or not believe that I can ever do it,
A stewardess is what i want to be and it is going to happen
And with that in mind, Plans are now going to be made to make everything more believable.
New hair colour, new style, lack of snakebites, and a complete new Elli that will stick with this dream and finally, after wasting 2 and a half years doing fuck all will accomplish this dream and prove not only to her friends, but also to her family that have a complete lack of faith in her that she can make something of her life and most certainly will do it.
